Even Tom Clancy Couldn't Make This Sh!t Up

 

Donald Trump's a thin-skinned bully who can dish it out

But can't take it; no clue what diplomacy's about.

He's attacking NATO and G7 (make that 6)

Allied nations - while excusing Russia's dirty tricks.

Trump's a raging bull inside a global China shop.

Now we're only waiting for the other shoe to drop.

He's flown off to meet with North Korea's Kim Jong-un...

Gee! What could go wrong with that?  I guess we'll find out soon.

Welcome to the new world order, a la Donald Trump;

One where the United States drops trou' and takes a dump

On the countries which have had our back for all these years.

Trump's A Clear and Present Danger - Sum of my worst fears.

Dear Mrs. May... US, Too

(Photo courtesy of ABC News', This Week with George Stephanopoulos)

As United Nations leaders gather in New York,

I sure wish our President would learn to put a cork

In it, because any time that he shoots off a tweet

He steps into - yet another - scandal with both feet.

I watched poor Theresa May, the Brits' Prime Minister,

Asked what her reaction to the Donald's comments were

As she stiffened up her lip, kept calm and carried on,

And, politely, said it wasn't helpful of the Don.

She (like all our allies) is unsure of what comes next...

Will Trump start a war with North Korea via text?

Are we in or out of Paris?  What's Trump gonna do?

Join the group Theresa...  We're all wondering that, too.

Losing Sleep

A nightmare.

Holy crap! The North Koreans have ICBMs

That can reach the USA... It's messing with my REMs.

We are in a pissing contest with a lunatic

And the war of words has escalated pretty quick.

"Power... fire... force, and fury," blustered Donald Trump -

On vacation at his golf course. (White House is "a dump.")

Kim Jong-un then threatened Guam and U.S. bases there.

How can I "sleep easy" with those two guys on a tear?

Anybody else but them and I'd only be tense

Figuring a President would show a little sense,

Not sit back and say that we'll wipe Pyongyang off the map...

Never mind a good night's sleep.  I'm lucky if I nap.

Unsolicited Advice for Future DPRK Visitors

Mathew Miller and Kenneth Bae arrived home from North Korea yesterday. (Photo/DPRK.org)

DPRK's just released Americans they had;

These 2 were the last they held.  They're home and I am glad.

I just wish that we'd stop going when it's all too clear

Kim Jong-un is paranoid.  His people live in fear...

Fear that if they talk to us they're gonna land in jail.

Should we interfere and try to help we're doomed to fail.

If we get arrested breaking their laws over there

We have hope of rescue; they do not...  It's hardly fair.

North Korean prisons aren't a place you wanna be.

Life is hard enough in North Korea when you're free;

Where the fear you're being watched by everyone is true.

It's not paranoia when they're really after you.

Sochi - Modern Day Bread and Circuses

Oohhh!  Look at all the pretty balloons at the Opening Ceremonies in Sochi. (Photo/Courtesy of NBC)

So much in the world is tragic - war, disease, and death.

Nations call for changes but I wouldn't hold my breath.

U.N. Human Rights Commission published new reports;

No-one paid attention 'cause we're focusing on sports.

Russia's at the center of the issues of the day,

But it's not just Winter Games that Putin likes to play.

Syria and North Korea count him as a friend.

Without his agreement, neither travesty will end.

Fireworks and "bread and circuses" - like ancient Rome,

Counting all the medals our Olympians bring home -

Easily distracted, we're ignoring basic facts;

Putin is supporting men engaged in criminal acts.

I don't blame the Russian people...  Them, I think I'd like.

I just wish they'd help us tell Assad to take a hike.

As for North Korea (if the Chinese aren't involved)

Send Kim Jong-un Dennis Rodman's drug stash...  Problem solved.

(Graphic/Courtesy of Owned.com)

Happy (Belated) Birthday Kim Jong-un

Check out the expressions on Rodman's team-mates. That's what deer caught in the headlights of a derailed Crazy Train look like. (Photo/CNN)

Happy birthday Kim Jong-un; can't wish you many more...

I suspect that isn't what your future holds in store.

I predict that you won't make it to a ripe, old age;

Just a cameo appearance on the global stage.

Hope you like your birthday present; we call him "the Worm."

When he opens up his mouth he makes his team-mates squirm.

Please feel free to keep him 'cause we do not need him back.

Sorry that he's damaged; it's what comes from smoking crack.

The 113th Congress - The Company We Keep

Is this really who we want to associate ourselves with?

Here's a piece of irony; the "Evil Axis" grew.

Guess who their new member is.  That would be me and you.

North Korea, Syria, Iran...  United States?

Do we want to join the countries everybody hates?

UN passed a resolution regulating arms;

Aimed at keeping weapons from a terrorist who harms

Innocent civilians in pursuance of his cause.

If there's a "no-brainer" than this resolution was.

US voted for it but our Senators will not

Ratify this treaty.  Seems the GOP forgot

We are known to others by the company we keep.

Evil Axis members - every one of them a creep -

Those are not the kind of people I'd consider friends.

If we choose to side with them, the GOP extends

Them an invitation; 'though, they aren't a friend of mine...

Neither are those politicians who refuse to sign.

Dear Secretary Kerry... Unsolicited Advice for North Korea

Kim Jong-un keeps ramping up the tensions overseas:

Making plans for bringing Austin, Texas to its knees,

Opening reactors, shutting down a factory,

Threatening to launch a missile if we don't agree.

Seems he wants the sanctions lifted, so he's talking tough.

If the man were rational I'd swear it's all a bluff,

But he doesn't strike me as a very stable guy.

Doesn't seem to care that we could blow Pyongyang sky high.

How are we supposed to deal with someone who's a loon?

Maybe we should send in Dennis Rodman pretty soon.

He can speak the language; he's established a rapport.

Our Marines could land him on the North Korean's shore.

Dennis could explain to Kim Jong-un the basic facts;

Talking tough is one thing, but if North Korea acts,

It will be the Russians and the Chinese who are mad

And they might arrange a swift reunion with his dad.

Across the Pond - North Korea; Tin Pot Saber Rattling

(Photo/English.teamuseum.cn)

Hear that tin-pot clanking sound? That's saber rattling.

It has grown so loud I think it's woken up Beijing.

Causing some alarm in South Korea and - what for?

Kim Jong-un's declared his country's in a state of war.

Hard to tell how serious the North Koreans are,

But I think they may have pushed it just a bit too far.

South Korea's President has said her country will

Go to war if they're attacked...  A thought that doesn't thrill

China or the Russians - not to mention the U.S.

Is Kim Jong-un listening?  That's anybody's guess.

So far it's been only words - this time - no overt acts,

And there are some hopeful signs he's finally facing facts:

People in his country are severely under-fed.

He'd be out of luck with half his population dead.

U.S. has positioned ships and bombers off his coast

Just to make it very clear; should he attack - they're toast.

Across the Pond - North Korea, China, and Russia

Kim Jong-un looks south.  (Photo/AP)

Kim Jong-un is making threats again...  The guy is nuts.

Doesn't seem to realize, despite the budget cuts,

We can always find the funds to fight if we're attacked.

Now his ties to Russia and the Chinese may have cracked.

It makes countries nervous when a neighbor rocks the boat.

North Korea's neighbors have a U.N. Council vote.

They've agreed to sanctions since the Hermit Kingdom has

Proved its newest leader is a suicidal spaz.

I bet Putin's wishing Kim Jong-un would shut his mouth;

Stop with making threats against Koreans in the south.

Let the Chinese deal with him for now.  They keep him fed;

Propped his dad and grandpa up and look where that has led.

Now they have a lunatic who's slipping off his leash.

Can't believe they didn't see this problem coming.  Sheesh!

Not as if the family tree could give them cause for hopes;

If you're planting cabbage, you get cabbages...  You dopes.

Across the Pond - Basketball Diplomacy

Ambassador Extraordinaire Dennis "The Worm"  Rodman? (Photo/People)

'though no-one's confirmed him as Ambassador, I heard

Dennis Rodman went to North Korea for a word

With its leader, Kim Jong-un.  They watched some basketball.

Rodman says that we don't understand the guy at all.

Kim Jong-un is "humble" and a "really awesome guy."

Rodman says he's sure of that, and why would Dennis lie?

Says the people love their leader; that's why they parade.

Can't imagine that the North Koreans are afraid...

After all, what's there to fear? (Except for prison camps,

Or the missile tests that they're conducting... Little scamps.

Nuclear explosions and a multitude of threats.)

Rodman says he's peaceful; that's as solid as it gets.

Let's give a portfolio to Dennis Rodman, fast.

Who knows how much longer this diplomacy will last?

Maybe get a pick-up game together.  Putin would;

And I bet Obama could take Kim Jong-un...  He's good.

Across the Pond - North Korean Missile Launch

If you believe that North Korea's missile program is for peaceful purposes, then Kim Jong-un has some unicorns he wants to sell you.  (Photo/Hypervocal.com)

After years of trying, North Korea's  had success;

Launched a missile into space - a diplomatic mess.

Kim Jong-un has claimed the missile launch is not a threat.

South Korea and Japan aren't comforted, I bet.

Neither is America, 'cause he can reach us here, 

And he's just as crazy as his father was, I fear.

All the offers meant to help his people out, he scorns.

Now he says his scientists discovered unicorns.

Can those be the scientists who got him into space?

Helped a lunatic to threaten all the human race.

Or, are they the guys who helped enrich uranium?

Either way, it seems to me, those scientists are dumb.

There is not a nation in the region which is thrilled;

Nor impressed that North Korea's scientists are skilled.

I think that, despite his word that Kim Jong-un means well,

If they're buying that, he's got some unicorns to sell.

Across the Pond - North Korea

excerpted from an
Article first published as A Little Over 100 Days In - How Is Kim Jong-un Doing? on Technorati.

A little over 100 days in, is Kim Jong-un trying to out-crazy his dad?

President Obama's coming home from overseas.

He was in Korea where he told Kim Jong-un; Please,

Do remember that the food we've promised to you guys

Will not be delivered if your missile system flies.

He was there for meetings with world leaders to discuss

How they can secure their nukes and make it safe for us.

Right next door, a little North, a tin pot loony planned

To continue pushing Us.  Does he not understand

This is an election year - and not just in the States?

China, Russia, France have got a lot upon their plates.

North Korea's pushed too far I think.  I hope they learn

Soon, before they're stuck with watching all their bridges burn.

'though he doesn't face a vote, he does now face a test;

Will this brand new leader fall in line with all the rest?

It's an opportunity to see his people fed

And to show his neighbors North Korea's sanely led.