The New England Patriots... Whatever.

Looks as if the secret's out on how the Pats prepare

For opposing football teams... Our strategy's unfair:

Make the other coaches paranoid enough they'll think

There's a reason why they got warm Gatorade to drink.

Keep them busy sweeping rooms in case we've planted bugs,

Certain that, if head-sets fail, it's 'cause we've yanked the plugs,

Worried when a fan is taping their team at a game...

Belichick's the Hooded One opponents dare not name.

Critics say New England cheats; they say we break the rules,

Claiming it's the reason why we make them look like fools.

Poor New England cannot win - except for on the field -

Since the haters hide behind the NFL's own shield...

Casting slings and arrows, rumors, allegations - mud

While football's Commissioner is pulling on his pud.

Go ahead.  Suspect us of a myriad of sins

But our crime is, mostly, that New England often wins. 

The New England Patriots - A Prayer to the Sports Gods

I told you so. (PhotoCredit/SI)

You can call me crazy (and you wouldn't be the first)

But I've grown convinced that Rob Gronkowski has been cursed.

Why does any athlete tell Sports Illustrated  yes?

For the great majority, their season is a mess.

Gronk is now a casualty; he broke his arm again.

Next we play the Ravens and we're gonna miss him then.

Woodhead also left the game...  (Thank gods there's always Wes.)

The officials blew some calls.  Was that a fumble? Yes.

Even so, New England won and - with a little luck -

We can beat the Ravens (besides, losing now would suck.)

Sports gods, don't you think the price too high for Gronk's mistake?

You can pay us back by giving Belichick a break.

I know that Ray Lewis must be praying to you too

But, although I won't presume to tell you what to do,

I don't ask for miracles...  Just help Bill find a way

To get to the Super Bowl.  This I, most humbly, pray.

The New England Patriots - Curse the Luck

Another victim of the Sports Illustrated curse?

Patriots just crushed the Colts and yet the fans are sad;

There was lots of luck around, but much of ours was bad.

'though Defense looked good at last, 1st quarter was a mess.

Colts, thank gods, could  not prevent Tom getting it to Wes.

Due to sports announcer's curse, Gostkowski missed a kick.

I thought the addition of Talib made Defense click.

Luck, their rookie quarterback, who went from bad to worse,

Must have activated the Sports Illustrated curse.

Game had only minutes left; I thought us safe from harm

And then Rob Gronkowski had to go and break his arm.

He'll be out at least  a month - a rotten piece of luck -

And we have to play the Jets on Thursday, which will suck.

New York hates New England and, in truth, we hate the Jets;

Rivalry as nasty as the Sox and Yankees' gets.

Now we'll have to play them with a host of injuries...

I'd be very thankful for a win, dear sports gods...  Please?

The New England Patriots - Enough is Enough

Uh oh...  That's a no no.  (Photo/BleacherReport.com)

Touchdown? Interception? Interference? Maybe not.

Ball goes past the uprights...  Where's the instant replay shot?

My coach was so angry with officials Sunday night

That he touched a referee and, though it wasn't right,

Who on earth can blame the guy?  I would have done it too.

Bad officiating means my Pats are 1 and 2.

Monday Night was terrible.  The Packers should have won.

This is just ridiculous.  Let's get the contract done.

Games are running longer; there's more fighting on the field.

Give the refs a pension plan.  It's time (and past) to yield.

Seems by now, with all the fines the coaches have to pay,

There should be enough (and more) to fund an IRA.

The New England Patriots - Just Pay The Man

 

My New England Patriots played Wednesday - didn't win.

Refs called a receiver out when he was clearly in.

Lost it to World Champions; The New York football Giants.

*(Made a bet with Mr. S. and, therefore, in compliance

With the terms on which we shook, I have to call them that.

If I'd won he had to throw away his Yankees hat.)

Didn't win most of the games we played pre-season, but

Belichick cares more about deciding who to cut.

Doesn't give the game away before the season starts.

'til then all his players are so many moving parts.

Once it counts, this football master plays the game like chess.

I am very confident he'll win a lot, unless...

There is really something to the S.I. cover curse.

Football is so dangerous and bad calls make it worse.

Plus, it isn't only Gronk; there's Madden's cover too.

Time to tell Commissioner Goodell what he should do;

Pity the replacement refs; their jobs can't be much fun.

Sure, it was amusing - once - but now pre-season's done.

Now the games begin to count. Bring back real referees.

Not as if they've asked for much.  Just pay them...  Pretty please?